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Sexually Transmitted Diseases – are transmitted through sexual contact. STD -are generally divided into two categories, bacterial and viral. Bacterial infections are relatively easy to cure if detected early. Viral infections are technically incurable but the symptoms are controllable if detected early. Having a sexually transmitted disease (STD) can increase a person's risk of becoming infected with HIV. STD treatment reduces the risk of HIV infection. The human immunodeficiency virus HIV, Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases (STD) are one of the main concern today. The patients affected by them are large in number and alarming as it is infectious. Anybody anywhere can get the virus, from one person to the other, from a mother to a baby. It is estimated by the Joint United Nations Program that there are over 34 million people worldwide affected with HIV/AIDS. Out of them only few are aware of their being infected and spreading the virus. To begin with HIV - the human immunodeficiency virus - is a virus that kills your body slowly and slowly. HIV attacks human cells and uses nutrients and energy provided by those cells to grow and reproduce. HIV can be passed from one person to the other. If someone with HIV infection has sex or shares drug injection needles with another person then he or she is likely to be HIV positive. It also can be passed from a mother to her baby when she is pregnant, when she delivers the baby, or if she breast-feeds her baby. It is very important to keep yourself away from the virus getting into your body and it is equally important not to let others get infected by it. There are different ways of getting infected by HIV as • If you have unprotected Sex with someone who has HIV. The virus can be in an infected person’s blood, semen, or vaginal secretions. It can also enter your body through tiny cuts or sores in your skin, or in the lining of your vagina, penis, rectum, or mouth. • If you share a needle and syringe to inject drugs or share drug equipment used to prepare drugs for injection with someone who has HIV. • If you had a blood transfusion or blood clotting factor that you got before 1985. As all blood in the United States have been tested for HIV since 1985. How can you protect yourself from HIV? • Make a mature move, both the partners should not hesitate to go for HIV test • If you are pregnant then have an HIV test. • Make sure to use condoms. AIDS - the acquired immunodeficiency syndrome - is a disease you get when HIV destroys your body’s immune system. Normally, your immune system helps you fight off illness. When your immune system fails you can become very sick and can die. An HIV-infected person receives a diagnosis of AIDS after developing one of the defined AIDS indicator illnesses, (opportunistic infection). A positive HIV test result does not mean that a person has AIDS. A diagnosis of AIDS is made by a physician using certain clinical criteria. There is no cure for AIDS. There are anti drugs now available that can slow down the virus, and slow down the damage to your immune system. These drugs have also helped reduce the overall rates of opportunistic infections in people with AIDS. penile enlargment operation penile enlargement pills penis enlagement information pnis enlargement information vimax penis enlargement cream penis enlargement excercises permanent penis elargement penis enhancement fact
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If you’ve ever witnessed someone suffer a stroke, you understand the humbling nature of this disease. It can reduce the mightiest human being to an immobile, helpless creature. Impairment of crucial functions like speech, walking, and control of bowel and bladder can wrench control from the body in a moment. Even perpetually youthful TV personality Dick Clark was struck down by stroke at age 75, despite the outward appearance of perfect health. Clark’s stroke resulted in a six-week hospital stay and, judging from fragmented reports, significant disability. Stroke can be like a devastating fire that strikes without warning, leaving only smoldering rubble. Stroke can so ravage basic bodily functions that often all you can hope for is to regain a portion through rehabilitation. The disease process that underlies stroke requires decades—30 or 40 years—to develop. With that much lead time, why aren’t we better able to detect or stop this crippling disease? The truth is that we are able to predict many, if not most, strokes. Advances in imaging technology allow detection of atherosclerotic plaque that cause stroke years before it becomes a threat. Progress in deciphering the causes of stroke has also leapt forward. Unfortunately, your neighborhood physician still focuses on diagnosing the crisis rather than anticipating it. Physicians prefer to deal with catastrophes and are just not that interested in prevention. Most physicians ask: “Is it time to operate or not?” The medical community obsesses over procedures like carotid endarterectomy (surgical removal of plaque) or carotid stents. Even when a person is afforded the warnings of a “mini-stroke”, or transient ischemic attack (TIA), little more is done once it’s determined that surgery is not necessary—even though this person has high risk for future stroke (50% over 10 years). Let’s flip-flop this approach to stroke. Procedures represent a failure of prevention! Where do strokes come from? Stroke develops when some portion of the brain is deprived of blood. This usually results from a tiny bit of debris that dislodges from an atherosclerotic plaque along the walls of an artery (the same sort that accumulates in coronaries causing heart attack). The sources of debris have been a subject of controversy, but new imaging technologies have settled the question. Any blood vessel that leads from the heart to the brain can be a source. The two carotid arteries on both sides of your neck are a frequent source, as these arteries are prone to develop plaque. (Our discussion will be confined to what are called thromboembolic, or ischemic, strokes, i.e, strokes that occur from plaque that fragments, sending debris to the brain, and will not include the far less common hemorrhagic strokes due to rupture of small vessels in the brain, nor will we discuss atrial fibrillation and other heart causes of stroke. The thromboembolic strokes we discuss cause around 88% of all strokes.) Over the last 10 years, the aorta has been recognized as another important source of stroke. The aorta is the main artery of the body whose branches go to the head, arms, and legs. Atherosclerotic plaque is a live tissue that, through poor diet, inactivity, high cholesterol, overweight, etc., grows and becomes progressively more unstable. At some point, plaque fragments. Little bits break away, traveling to the brain. Fractured plaque also exposes its deeper structures to flowing blood, triggering blood clot formation, which in turn can also fragment and go to the brain. Atherosclerotic plaque is a prerequisite for the most common causes of stroke. If the majority of strokes originate from plaque, why not measure plaque to determine if you’re at risk for stroke? How can we easily, safely, and accurately measure plaque in the carotid arteries and aorta? And if plaque can be measured, can it be shrunk or inactivated to reduce or eliminate risk for stroke? How can plaque be measured? Just 20 years ago, the only practical method of identifying plaque in the carotids or aorta was through angiography, requiring catheters inserted into the body to inject x-ray dye. Angiography was impractical as a screening measure. CT scanning and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) are emerging as exciting methods of imaging both carotids and aorta. Unfortunately, most centers and physicians are much more focused on the diagnostic uses of these technologies for people who have already suffered stroke or other catastrophe, and application of these devices for preventive uses is still evolving. One exception is when aortic calcification or aortic enlargement is incidentally noted on the increasingly popular CT heart scans; this is an important finding that can signal presence of aortic plaque. The one test that is widely available and can be performed in just about any center is carotid ultrasound. It’s simple, painless, and precise. Two basic observations can be made: 1. Plaque detection—Atherosclerotic plaque can be clearly visualized. If plaque blocks more than 70% of the diameter of the vessel, or if there are “soft” (unstable) elements in plaque, then stroke risk may be high enough to justify surgery or stents. However, if there are plaques that are less severe, substantial risk for stroke may still be present that can be reduced with preventive measures. 2. Carotid intimal-medial thickness—This is a measure of the thickness of the lining of the carotid artery in areas not involved by plaque, but often precedes the development of mature plaque. Carotid intimal-medial thickness also provides an index of body-wide potential for atherosclerotic plaque that can place you at risk for stroke. The aorta, for instance, cannot be well imaged by surface ultrasound but can still be a source for stroke. Increased carotid intimal-medial thickness and carotid plaque are closely associated with likelihood of aortic plaque. The Rotterdam Study of 4000 participants demonstrated that if carotid intimal-medial thickness is greater than normal (1.0 mm), then you can be at risk for stroke (and heart attack), even if no carotid plaques are detected. Carotid ultrasound is the one test you should consider that provides the most information with least effort. Ultrasound is harmless, painless, and can be obtained just about anywhere. Even if your doctor disagrees with your request for a carotid ultrasound, an increasing number of mobile services are popping up nationwide that make this test available for around $100. One important point: many scanners and interpreters will only report whether plaque is present or not. While this is important information, you should request that the carotid-intimal medial thickness be made as well. Not all centers can make this simple measure (because of software requirements), but it doesn’t hurt to try. Any amount of carotid plaque is reason to follow a preventive program, even if the plaque is insufficient to justify surgery. Can plaque be reduced? Can we shrink plaque in carotid arteries and aorta and thereby reduce, perhaps eliminate, these sources of stroke? That question is gaining momentum as effective therapies become available that pack real punch for reducing plaque. Study after study has now documented that plaque can be reduced and, with it, risk for stroke. Reduction in plaque of 10–20% is possible within a year or two. Let’s consider the most potent influences on carotid and aortic plaque growth that need to be considered in a plaque-reducing program. (I assume that you are a non-smoker—if you are a smoker, you first need to concentrate on quitting.) Hypertension Considerable experience documents the power of blood pressure-lowering for prevention of stroke. The most recently updated guidelines, the JNC–VII, recommends a blood pressure of 407 mg/dl heightens stroke risk six-fold. C-reactive protein (CRP) This measure of inflammation is proving to be a useful marker for identifying people at risk for stroke, with increased risk beginning at a level of 0.5 mg/l. High CRP also predicts more rapidly growing carotid plaque. Homocysteine Homocysteine is an important marker of increased likelihood of both carotid and aortic plaque, as well as stroke. In 1997, the European Concerted Action Project reported more than a doubling of stroke when homocysteine levels exceeded 12 mol/l. As homocysteine increases to 20 μmol/l, risk for stroke and heart attack increases an amazing 10-fold over that at a level of 9 μmol/l. Asymmetric dimethylarginine (ADMA) ADMA is recently discovered amino acid whose blood levels can skyrocket up to 10-fold in the presence of hypertension, metabolic syndrome, diabetes, high cholesterol and triglycerides, obesity, and high homocysteine levels. ADMA blocks the action of the amino acid, l-arginine. This mimicry reduces the availability of nitric oxide, a powerful dilator and protector of arteries. ADMA levels in the top 10% predict a six-fold heightened risk for future stroke, and ADMA levels in people with strokes are double that in other people. A carotid ultrasound study in 116 subjects showed that higher blood levels of ADMA are associated with more severe carotid plaque. Because of ADMA’s shared role across a variety of abnormal conditions, correction or blocking the action of ADMA has been suggested as a unique therapeutic tool to reduce stroke risk. Cholesterol Data suggest that lowering cholesterol with statin cholesterol-lowering drugs slows carotid plaque growth and reduce stroke risk approximately 22%. An interesting study from the Cardiovascular Institute at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine in New York using the precise measuring ability of MRI of the carotids and thoracic aorta showed an impressive 20% regression of plaque area with simvastatin (Zocor®) taken for two years. Although guidelines for cholesterol treatment recommend reduction of LDL cholesterol to 100 mg/dl in high-risk persons, a report from the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC, showed that carotid plaque was more effectively reduced when LDL cholesterol of 70 mg/dl or lower was achieved with statin cholesterol drugs. Lower LDL cholesterol may, therefore, be better. Treatment Strategies to Reduce Carotid and Aortic Plaque The essential question: How do we reduce carotid and aortic plaque? If we make this the focus of our efforts, many pieces begin to fall into place. If you’ve had any measure of carotid or aortic plaque such as a carotid ultrasound or aortic calcification on a CT heart scan, you know that you’re at increased risk for stroke. You also have a baseline for future comparison to gauge whether your program is working or not. Because most people have not one but several causes of carotid and aortic plaque, there is no one single treatment that effectively eliminates risk for stroke. Instead, most people require a comprehensive program of healthy diet, exercise, supplements, and medication when indicated. Here, we focus on the nutritional supplements that can be critical components of your plaque-reduction program. Fish oil Fish oil is a cornerstone of your stroke prevention program. Epidemiological observations suggest a strong relationship of fish intake and reduction of stroke risk. Carotid ultrasound studies demonstrate less carotid plaque with greater intakes of fish. A cleverly designed University of Southampton study made the fascinating observation that fish oil transforms the structure of carotid plaque. 150 people with severe carotid plaque scheduled for carotid endarterectomy (surgical removal of the plaque) were given fish oil, sunflower oil, or no treatment over several months while waiting for their procedure. (Delays in the British health system permitted this unique design.) Plaque was removed at surgery and examined. Participants taking fish oil had reduced inflammation in plaque and thicker tissue covering the fatty core, markers of more stable plaque. Those taking sunflower oil or no treatment had unstable plaques with greater inflammation and thinner, less sturdy covering tissue. This suggests that fish oil stabilizes carotid plaque, making it less likely to rupture and fragment. A standard capsule of fish oil (containing 300 mg of EPA + DHA) contains the same amount of omega-3s as a 3 oz serving of cod or halibut; three capsules (900 mg DHA + EPA) contain the equivalent of a serving of farm-raised salmon. The dose that seems to provide greatest protection from stroke, lowers triglycerides (that form abnormal lipoproteins; see above), and reduces fibrinogen, is four capsules per day (1200 mg EPA + DHA). Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10) Although there are no data specifically addressing whether CoQ10 reduces plaque, it is a marvelously effective way to reduce blood pressure, one of the crucial factors causing carotid and aortic plaque growth. A pooled analysis of eight studies showed that, on average, CoQ10 in daily doses of 50–200 mg reduced systolic blood pressure by 16 mm Hg, diastolic pressure by 10 mm Hg. Data suggest that CoQ10 can reverse abnormal heart muscle thickening (hypertrophy), another manifestation of high blood pressure, strongly suggesting that CoQ10 has benefits beyond just reducing pressure. Supplements to correct the metabolic syndrome Weight loss is, without question, the most immediate and direct path to correction of this dangerous pre-diabetic condition. A drop of even 10–20 lbs yields improvements across the board: increased sensitivity to insulin, increased HDL, and reductions in triglycerides, CRP, fibrinogen, small LDL particles, and blood pressure. Diet and exercise are fundamental components of an effort to lose weight; low carbohydrate or reduced glycemic index diets (e.g., South Beach or Mediterranean) rich in fibers are clearly effective. Several supplements can amplify weight-reduction efforts and be useful adjuncts to your lifestyle program. Among them: White bean extract White bean extract blocks intestinal absorption of carbohydrates by 66%. 1500 mg twice a day with meals yields, on average, 3–7 lbs of weight loss in the first month of use. The only side-effect is excessive gas, due to unabsorbed starches. Glucomannan This unique fiber taken prior to meals absorbs many times its weight in water and thereby fills your stomach. You consequently take in less food. Most people lose around four lbs per month using 1500 mg prior to each meal. Interestingly, glucomannan also blunts the rise in blood sugar after meals, an effect that, by itself, may lead to weight loss. Be sure to take with plenty of water. DHEA This adrenal hormone is key to maintaining physical stamina, mood, muscle mass in men, and libido in women. A recent randomized, placebo-controlled study at Washington University in 56 subjects showed a 13% decline in abdominal fat (fat that drives resistance to insulin) measured by MRI with 50 mg of DHEA per day at bedtime, along with improved sugar control and lower insulin levels. Pectin, beta-glucan Pectin is the soluble fiber in citrus rinds, green vegetables, and apples, also available as a supplement. Beta-glucan is the soluble fiber of oats and is also available as a supplement. Both are wonderful fibers that provide feelings of fullness, lower cholesterol, slow release of sugars, and can yield modest weight reduction. A USC study in 573 subjects using carotid ultrasound showed that greater intake of healthy fibers like pectin and beta-glucan is associated with less carotid plaque growth. Folic acid, vitamins B6 and B12 Dr. Daniel Hackam at the Stroke Prevention and Atherosclerosis Research Centre in Ontario conducted a study using carotid ultrasound in 101 participants treated with folic acid 2.5 mg, vitamin B6 25 mg, and B12 250 mcg per day. Treatment resulted in plaque reduction, especially when homocysteine levels exceeded 14μmol/l at the start, compared to untreated participants who experienced substantial plaque growth. An attempt to clarify the role of homocysteine treatment was made through a National Institute of Health-sponsored study of stroke prevention. 3680 participants with a prior history of stroke were enrolled and given either a “low-dose” (20 mcg folic acid, 0.2 mg B6, 6 mcg B12) or a “high-dose” (2.5 mg folic acid, 25 mg B6, 400 mcg B12) regimen. Although starting homocysteine levels showed a graded association with stroke risk (higher homocysteine levels predicted greater stroke risk), the treatment groups experienced, on average, only a 2 μmol drop in homocysteine levels and no reduction in stroke risk over two years. The study investigators as well as critics have suggested that the study failed due to an insufficient treatment period and that the doses were too low. (The doses we use in our plaque reduction program are folic acid 2.5–5.0 mg, B6 50–100 mg, B12 1000–2500 mcg.) L-arginine L-arginine can be used to overpower the adverse effects of ADMA. L-arginine is emerging as an important carotid plaque-reversing tool. Early reports in animals showed that l-arginine completely halted growth of aortic plaque, and did so more effectively than lovastatin (a cholesterol-lowering drug). In humans, L-arginine reduces blood pressure, abnormal constriction of carotid and coronary arteries, blocks entry of inflammatory cells into plaque, increases sensitivity to insulin, and heightens exercise capacity. Following coronary angioplasty or stent placement, l-arginine results in up to 36% reduction in plaque growth. The average American takes in 5400 mg of l-arginine through food every day. Supplementing with doses of 3000–12,000 mg per day has proven useful to correct many of these phenomena. (We use a dose of 6000 mg of l-arginine powder, twice a day on an empty stomach, dissolved in water, for our plaque regression program.) Does this result in a reduction of stroke risk? The emerging data suggest that l-arginine is likely to exert a powerful plaque-reducing and stroke-preventing benefit, but we await more clinical trial data. Conclusion Reducing stroke risk by reversing carotid and aortic plaque is becoming an everyday reality, with better tools becoming available. To know whether you’re at risk, the best and most available imaging tool is carotid ultrasound, aiming to identify intimal-medial thickness >1.0 mm, or carotid plaque. Any degree of calcification of the aorta, such as on a CT heart scan, is another useful measure of risk. Treatment to reduce risk is multi-faceted but is based on examining all your sources of risk, including metabolic syndrome, small LDL, lipoprotein(a), and C-reactive protein. Fish oil is the one absolutely crucial ingredient in any stroke prevention program. Other supplements can be used in a targeted fashion, depending on the causes identified for your carotid or aortic plaque. Ideally, repeat scanning of your carotids should be done sometime after your program has begun to assess whether you’ve successfully achieved reversal of plaque growth. penis enlargement testimonials best penis enlagement surgery compare penis enlargement pill penis enlagement surgery photo pennis enlargement before and after photo free pennis enlargement pennis enlargement video penis enhancement pills review vimax penis enlargement surgery cost
22 March, l968 As it turned out, Johnny would visit Jill’s room off and on during the following weeks. And that strange woman that left the Belmont’s room brought along another woman, and on occasion, he’d catch her on her way down the steps and invite her into his room, although she’d had preferred ‘Jill,’ so she said. Tasma was not aware of most of this, but a little. Also, she had received at this time several letters from home by her parents, in particular her father, but she did not respond back. She was not certain what to say, she loved them, and Jill assured them she was fine, but it was too stressful for her to talk or write them. She did have a profound desire to please her father, and wishful thinking to please her mother, but it seemed she needed to learn how to please herself first, and to Jill, she did not blame them for anything, not anymore anyway. And had she started a communicational dialogue, they may have persuaded her to return, the one thing she did not want at this time. —Jill was in the kitchen—the ironing board was pulled out from an inner-cabinet built into the wall, a wall-unite if you will, it was kept snugly in, in which there was a door attached to it; Jill was ironing Tommy and Johnny’s cloths, another lover circle had stared. Both were arranged in separate piles. Mrs. Belmont was sitting at the table talking seriously to her; it was most unusual thought Tasma, for seldom did she see Mrs. Belmont other than at the bar talking to Jill. As Tasma neared them to join them, the subject—whatever it was—changed, and what appeared on Mrs. Belmont’s face was an un-cheerful smile, not unusual, but quite sudden, and it was apparent. Consequently, feeling a little awkward she left the kitchen to work on her diary-novel (some poems), in the living room in her usual spot; in effect, she could overhear bits and pieces now of their conversation. It didn’t occur to her to get up and leave, rather the opposite; she actually pretended to be busy writing and was simply drawing a picture undiscernibly. “It’s been going on for a while mom, I didn’t think it was, I mean it would end up like this.” “Get rid of him, or all of them.” “No, no, I don’t think Johnny will go so easy. He likes me, and thinks he can have me, and he has me of course.” “What about Tommy?” “I like him, I like him a lot, but that’s the problem, I don’t love him, I just like him.” “He’s what you need though. He’s more anchored.” [With scorn] “What the hell does anchored mean!” said Jill. “Ok, ok, I could have used a better term, Tommy likes to work and go to school, he’ll be somebody someday.” “Tommy doesn’t pay you a dime; Johnny does and Johnny works hard.” “Yes, he works hard all right, hard at drinking, screwing you and god knows who else—smoking that weed.” “So Tommy was screwing me and working.” “You’re going to lose him to that cousin of yours if you don’t hang on to him.” “Tasma,” she looked at Tasma reading, “you got to be kidding, she’s as naïve as a sparrow.” “So you say: does a pineapple come from a pine tree?” “No,” said Jill apprehensive, “now what does that mean?” “She’s not the little girl she was three, four months ago, or is it five or more? She has a good shape, and pretty face, and if Tommy can’t see it, I can. And so can a lot of men at the bar. Anyhow, Tasma is not the issue, Johnny and Tommy are.” (A long pause came, then with a cracking voice, and an almost whisper, she leaned over to her mother, and Tasma leaned over the arm of her chair): “I think I’m pregnant…” “Ay caramba,” she said in a sigh that slurred all the way to Tasma’s ears, “…now what?” “It’s Johnny’s, not Tommy’s, Tommy uses a rubber, and Johnny thinks it is not manly to do so.” It was momentarily hard for Jill to look her mother in the face; she was at this time, pacing the floor in a small circle as her mother followed her with her eyes. “Listen Jill, Johnny’s drinking with all the gang members at the bar, and he’s gambling, it’s just a matter of time before he gets in trouble with them.” (Some of the gang members had motorcycles, others cars, it was somewhat an unofficial bunch of criminals, in that they were but twenty of them that hung out at a number of bars). 23 Shan’t be a Minute Tasma found herself walking upstairs to her room, it was quieter in the kitchen, and figured, she had heard enough, a voice said, “Where are you going?” it was Jill, polite but to the point. “Shan’t be a moment,” was her answer. She wanted to tuck away her diary-novel, she had written some exposing things in it. And so she tucked away, under her pillow, as if it was safe, and her place was off limits to others, which in presumption it seemed to be. For the most part, she did not want to leave it laying about for someone to pick up accidentally. Life had seemed uncomplicated she thought, and now with Jill’s mother it seemed somewhat speculative, if not downright disjointed. It had now crossed her mind Tommy would find out the secret, the secret being Johnny’s behavior and her being pregnant, or so she said she was, and ‘I know about it,’ she felt as if she was a betrayer, be it to Jill or Tommy, or even Johnny. Down the stairway, into the living room she went. She looked outside through the bay-window and there was Mrs. Alice Whitehead getting into the car, she looked at Tasma, Tasma waved at her, she was a nice old lady, and it always seemed to her she had concern on her face for her. As she turned around looking towards the kitchen she noticed Mrs. Belmont sorting out bills: ‘I suppose she’s done talking to Jill now,’ was her thinking. “I talked to your mother a few days ago Tasma, she’s doing well and I told her likewise, you were doing well.” Tasma simply made a polite gesture, no verbal adjectives. “I want to do something today, a surprise, come with me,” asked Tasma, for some odd reason something had popped into her head. “What, may I ask, is on that devious mind of yours?” laughed Jill. —Tasma and Jill were gone for several hours, and arrived back home at about 6:00 PM. Johnny and Tommy were sitting in the living room watching TV. As they both walked into the house, both the boys were somewhat taken back a bit at Tasma’s appearance—if not down right, star-struck. Her long reddish hair was cut to where it reached only the nape of her neck. And she was wearing more makeup than she had before, the result: she looked a little fresher and less school-girlish, than before. Thought Tommy, ‘…before she seemed more delicate and fragile..,’ as he glanced at the poise she displayed as she smiled and stood in the middle of the room awaiting the verdict of the two young throbbing hearts, the heart breakers themselves. Johnny noticed her slender bones, and her nicely shaped neck was more defined (front and back). Tommy for some reason noticed her neatly-set breasts, small as they were—just above her small waist they were a hand full no more. Yet her slyness somewhat removed, still left her with a harmless effect. Her nervousness was repressed for the most part. Along with all that, with all the money she had saved up, she also purchased some bath salts, talcum powder and a small mirror, which she duplicated for Jill as a gift for allowing her to stay. She had spent her $100-dollars she had saved. For some odd reason, Tasma had glanced back into the kitchen, expecting to see Mrs. Belmont, but of course was not surprised when she was not there, she usually would go to the bar around this time, either she had missed her, or she was in her room preparing to go. The boys looked at one another in jest, and laughed. Said Johnny with his normal side joking way, “So now you’ve grown up, welcome to the real world kid, looks like you’re willing to join us.” Tasma knew Johnny’s ways and knew that was better left alone. “It makes you feel good,” commented Jill; meaning spending money on oneself for preservation purposes, or simply for a change in one’s life. But there was concern in Jill’s unseen eyes, in her cerebellum. She was no psychologist, like Skinner or Pavlov with his salivating dogs (who worked on association), but the boys were kind of salivating, restlessly slobbering might be a better way of putting it, if not downright uneasy, with this new Tasma look. Everyone had gone to bed now, it was Jill’s turn to sit downstairs in the sofa-chair for once, wondering, thinking, not sure of her next move. ‘I just don’t get it,’ she asked herself, ‘why am I so attracted to Johnny, and going with Tommy? Tasma wouldn’t have the answer even if I asked her, nor mom, facts are facts, feelings are feelings, I don’t sense they are neither right or wrong, they just are. Johnny makes love as if he was a mad man and seems almost barbaric, and I think of him when I make love to Tommy—it’s just unthinkable. I wonder how Tommy’s new book will turn out. Can you love two people at once, at one time? A good question; I think I do, or maybe it is lust, how do I know, I’m just…(pause) will be nineteen in a month. Mom said: love is a choice. I say love is a feeling. I wonder what Tasma would say. I know Tommy feels love through his penis, like Johnny, all men do, kind of, sort of—most of the time; but Tommy is more willing to be dedicated, I think. I have learned men are attracted by looking, but I like touch.’ On her way to her bedroom, she stopped at Tasma’s room, knocked lightly, “Can I come in just for a moment?” she asked. “Why sure you can,” answered Tasma with a thoughtful voice. “I had a great day with you today, and thanks again for the things you bought me (this was a good lead-in she thought to bait her for a question to be soon asked), but I have a question, somehow I think you’re going to oversimplify the answer but I’ll ask it anyhow. How do you know if you’re in love with a person?” Surprisingly, Tasma answered Jill with foreknowledge, “You mean you are having a hard time trying to figure who you want, Tommy or Johnny?” (A tight look went over Jill’s face.) “Yes, yes, that is where I’m coming from; I didn’t know it was so obvious.” “It’s becoming obvious Jill, it was the first day Johnny came through the door, and it has progressively taken a greater shape to it. But in regards to your answer, I’ve never been in love so I might be the wrong person to ask, but I do know this, as simple as it may be: if I wanted to go out with Johnny, I couldn’t be in love with Tommy—that much. I mean, I’d think whoever you were in love with—you’d not want to go out with anyone else; you’d kind of want to stop shopping around for another person, or so I believe. If I was to get married, I’d not want to go out with anyone else: and if I did, I’d know that I was not ready for marriage, to him or anyone, if that makes any sense.” But to Jill it made all the sense in the world. She was sleeping with Tommy at night, and wanted to be with Johnny. “What do you think I should do?” asked Jill. “I think you already know; I don’t think I need to say anymore. My heart is with you, no matter what the outcome is.” Then Tasma hugged her tightly. 24 Reset As the next two weeks passed a kind of silence took over the house, people talked less to one another, I suppose you could say, Jill was the life of the house, and now she was deep in thought. Everyone tried to keep busy and pretend things were normal, but they of course knew they were not. The Belmont’s kept their normal schedule, and the pretense lingered. Tasma had finished up with Tommy’s book on San Francisco, and had explained to him how she liked the ending of ‘Bustling,’ by his fake name Colleen Grant; she commented to Tommy: “The younger woman fell in love with the older man, but she had psychological issues, and she was too fragile for him to care for her emotional illness, and he was too sick biologically for her to care for him. It was a sad ending I thought, but had they married: love would not have been enough, as they wished, they’d both had ruined the life of the other. Yet they remained friends as they parted, matter of fact they remained friends until he died at the age of eighty-years old, and her, at eighty-two.” She then read a poem she was working on for him: “I haven’t put it in my book or diary yet, but here it is I’ll read it to you from the paper (Tommy sat inquisitively on the edge of her bed): The Maiden from Seattle When she walked into the light The door to life, grew black as Night, And her earth began to swell (This youthful beauty of Seattle); At first glance— Fell this youth from high Aching to touch the morning sky. Who dare take this maiden’s hand? To help her though this silent land! Ah! From hair, to heart, to breast: Like faded flowers in the ground Fleshless alms, could not be found, And so she remains—bound! Said Tommy in surprise, “I like it, I think a little or maybe a lot of you is in the poem; I think you’re going to be a Mrs. Plath, or Dickinson some day.” —The following day Tommy had come into Tasma’s room unexpectantly, “Are you still writing your story?” he asked. She looked at Tommy, “Just some poems, and dairy notes, really haven’t gotten into the plot or theme of anything in particular yet; not sure how to get it going.” “Let me see, maybe I can help you” he said. Yet Tasma was still bewildered of his rudeness to just kind of enter at will; she liked him and didn’t want to scare him away, on the other hand, she was not going to join any love-circle. She leaped quickly to her pillow, then it dawned on her, she had much information in it about Johnny, Jill, Tommy and, none other but the: The Lady in Black, as she referred to her in the diary. But had she not jumped, she thought afterwards, had she not jumped she’d had not given away her hiding place, although it was no vault for sure—I mean, a mouse could have found it had it looked for it. “I, I have too many personal things in it, private things, I’d rather you not see,” said Tasma as she currently held the book in the middle of her chest; as she got off the bed with her one knee, fully turning about now, she tripped on her shoe and the book fell, Tommy quickly grabbed it and opened it. Tasma saw him reading it, and needed to do something quick, she grabbed it out of his hands and jumped on the bed, her dress flying above her waist showing her underwear and all. Somehow Tommy found the child in him, and jumped on her bed trying to grab the diary from her as they rolled around in the bed; now Tommy hovering over her, his legs between hers. “What are you two up to?” questioned a voice in the background, it was Jill: she had heard the ruckus. “My fault, I was trying to get her diary from her, I started to read something quite interesting,” he looked at Jill halfheartedly. Had he gone back any farther, thought Tasma: The Lady in Black was there. Jill looked at Tasma in an indefatigably way, “I see I wasn’t invited to the party—”and slipped off to her bedroom where she just looked out the window aimlessly. In a way it didn’t bother her about what she’d seen, but on the other hand, she was jealous. When Tommy left the bedroom to join Jill he didn’t know whose child it was; he had only read up to ‘I overheard her say to her mother she was pregnant today by….” He could not ask Tasma to betray Jill, it would be too much to ask, if anything, Jill might be betraying him, it was indicative of her. —In the following days, Tasma noticed Tommy and Jill fought quite a lot; and Tommy was not a person to be irritated easily, it must be that she was leading Tommy to believe it could be his child, Tasma thought. Then one evening she noticed Tommy sleeping on the coach, and Johnny still remaining in his bedroom. During this interval, Johnny entertained himself in his bedroom, hoping Tommy and Jill would sort things out—thus he remained in kind of a queue, waiting for Jill’s signal to return, somehow he had come to that conclusion she would. He found himself pacing the floor at night, saying, ‘I wish, whatsitsname, would…’ and never ended the sentence. —I must make this awkward at this point, his mind broke off the subject of Jill and Tommy after the first week, his insides became external. He looked at himself, pretending he was not feeling this serge; he had not guessed at this until it engulfed him, there was stern on his face—and, toil in his hand. A cold shower might work he thought, but it was too far away. He felt he was on a fast run; he hardened his body like a weightlifter, a boxer ready to take a punch. This lasted two weeks, finally an agreement came about, Jill would sleep with Johnny, and Tommy would sleep in Johnny’s room, and in due time Tommy would have to leave, approximately in a few months, considering once she started to show it would only provoke issues within the household, or so she felt. The real problem was that Johnny did not have the heart to tell Jill he liked the way things were, and he really liked Lorie to a higher degree. He wanted his sex, but could find it elsewhere if need be, now he’d have to resort to living in her bedroom, and his alone time would be altered. In addition, Lorie was somewhat out of the picture for he had not seen her in weeks as he waited for this all to settle, but he’d see her again is what he was planning. Again, everything seemed in the air now. But to resist the plan would be too premature at the moment he deliberated out. In spite of the tension, things appeared to move about on a regular base for a few more weeks. However, Johnny was starting to hang out with the gang more often now, with their motorcycles, and customized old cars. He was doing a lot more drinking and gambling with the gang members. They had even stopped on a few occasions at Jill’s house looking for Johnny, taking pains to find him, going out of their way it would seem. It came to her attention; Johnny owed them money, how much it wasn’t said (but it was close to $6,000-dollars). They’d not go to his work; it was one thing the groups forbid: that being, to endanger a man’s livelihood was not being a man at all. They could do almost anything else, even kill you, but not jeopardize your job: that was considered a low blow. Out of nervousness, Tasma started to keep her distance from the group at the bar, if she could, she would have vanished into thin air. penis elargement before and after penis enlarement result top rated penis enargement pills best penile enlargment pills vimax penis enlargement cream penile enlargment patch vigrx penis pill penis enlarement before and after photo vimax penis enlargement surgery cost
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