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The other day, my mother, who compulsively shops for anything you can think of, bought me a bag of sunflower seeds, as I went through a phase of eating them about a decade ago.
First of all, this was a completely redundant gesture, as they were just the seeds, and everyone knows that sunflowers seeds taste of absolutely nothing at all, and the only pleasure to be derived from them is cracking the zebra-coloured shell to extract them.
No good deed is without merit, however, and in eating them I did manage an idea, which, as those who know me will tell you, is a laborious and taxing process at best.
According to the packaging (which, perhaps naively, I find no reason to doubt) these sunflower seeds were bought in a branch of Boots and are part of a "meal deal."
Now who, exactly, aside from perhaps squirrels and other small fluffy mammals, would ever consider sunflower seeds a "meal" ? Granted, perhaps Boots receive a lot of custom from numerous pigeons and small tits, but this still doesn't explain how I ended up with them as my mother doesn't even HAVE small tits.
Sorry, I seem to have digressed and in doing so swerved perilously close to the territory of the "fat momma" joke, which I'll avoid.
Meanwhile, back on the subject at hand, why is Boots (are Boots? is Boots? I hate shops with no apostrophes) selling food in the first place?! If a butcher had a deal on moisturiser and sun-tan lotion, I think I personally would give it a miss, but somehow a shop that's know for medicines and cosmetics has started offering meals and none of us has batted an eyelid.
Food in general, now that I mention it, has been getting stranger, lately. McDonalds, in a frankly ludicrous attempt to improve it's image, has started offering salads as a direct result of Morgan Spurlock's "Super Size Me."
Something about this bothers me, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Kudos to Mr. Spurlock for shaking an empire to it's core, it's impressive by any standards and far more than the more high-profile Michael Moore has managed to do. (Although one does suspect Moore eats all his meals at McDonalds and just forgot to film it...)
McDonalds, though, is about grease. It's about grease, and junk, and things that will, probably, give you a McCoronary sometime before you make it back to your car A coronary which, by all accounts, you can make bigger and more life threatening for a bargain 30p.
McDonalds isn't SUPPOSED to offer good food. Everyone knows that McDonalds is bland and bad for you, in the same way we know that alcohol is bad for us and we'll all regret it in the morning. Several months ago I thought I'd have a go at a McDonalds chocolate donut, and it was f*cking horrible. I remember remarking to those around me in my witty, Wilde-esque style, "This is f*cking 'orrible."
Doesn't matter. I still have one whenever I go in, now, and they're still terrible.
My point is this: NOBODY goes to McDonalds for a salad. In fact, I wouldn't trust anyone who did. I think I'll add that to my list of character indicators. Never listen to anyone who doesn't like "Columbo", and never trust anyone who goes to McDonalds for a salad.
Salads go against the whole POINT of McDonalds, and I personally think that they should have more balls than to run for cover when their "secret" gets out. Tobacco companies have known for years that cigarettes kill you, as have the public, but they don't suddenly branch out and start a new line of Malboro Lollipops as a healthy alternative.
Another thing that's worried my lately, food-wise, is the reappearance of Pepperami. For those too young to remember, or those living in another country, Pepperami is best described as a stick of peppered meat in a wrapper.
I've always been bothered by them, principally because nobody has yet proved to my satisfaction that it isn't just the spiced penis of some unknown animal that the snack-hungry public has sent rocketing towards extinction, but over the years I sort of forgot about them. Now, all signs (TV adverts, posters, the Beast running loose in the streets of Bethlehem) point to it coming back. We should be on our guard.
Now, some people may level the fair and accurate criticism at me that everything I write has no real structure; that I'm prone to going off on tangents and that I always end abruptly and inconclusively. This is true.
To these people, however, I say that if you can find another article on the web that goes from Sunflower seeds to animal penis by way of a chocolate donut, then good luck to you!
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Today, here, and around the world, many people have considered having Cosmetic Surgery, or Plastic Surgery performed. Many more have had plastic surgery done, some with multiple procedures. Plastic Surgery, by definition, is a broad term for operative manual and instrumental treatment which is performed for functional or aesthetic reasons. Medical treatment for Facial injuries dates back over 4,000 years. The word "plastic" is a derivative of the Greek word plastikos meaning to mould or shape; however, contrary to common belief, the term “plastic surgery” is not related to modern plastics at all.
Cosmetic Surgery was first known to have been performed in Roman times. The Romans had the ability to perform simple procedures such as repairing damaged ears, in modern times referred to as Otoplasty, this is one of the most simple of procedures. One report discusses a patient getting his earlobes repaired after years of wearing heavy earrings. The excess lobes were trimmed and the hole sewn together. One of the more expensive plastic surgeries performed at the time, the removal of branding and scars, was a commonly executed procedure. Freed slaves paid a high price indeed for this type of surgery. It was felt that this common practice reduced the stigma of having been a slave in this ancient times.
In ancient India physicians were able to use skin graft reconstruction techniques as early as 800 B.C. From ancient times to the early nineteenth century, we find a living tradition of plastic operations of the nose, ear and lip. The Kangra (correctly pronounced as 'Kangada') district in Himachal Pradesh was most famous for its plastic surgeons. Some scholars are of the opinion that the word 'Kangada' is made from 'Kana + gadha' (ear repair). The British archaeologist Sir Alexander Cunningham (1814-93) had written about the tradition of Kangra plastic surgery procedures. We also have information that in the reign of Akber ,a Vaidya named Bidha used to carry out plastic operations in Kangra.
The Charaka-Sanhita and the Sushruta-Sanhita are among the oldest known manuscripts on Ayurveda (the Indian science of medicine). Chronologically speaking, the Charaka-Sanhita is believed to be the earliest work, and deals with medicine proper and containing a few passages on surgery. The Sushruta-Sanhita, a work of the early centuries of the Christian era, mainly deals with surgical knowledge rather than medicine. The extant Sushruta-Sanhita is, according to its commentator Dalhanacharya (of twelth century AD), a amendment by Nagarjuna. The original Sushruta-Sanhita was based on a series of lectures between Kashiraj Divodas (or Dhanvantari) and his disciples, Sushruta and others.
In 15th Century Europe, a man by the name of Heinrich von Pfolspeundt , a German physician and a member of the Teutonic Order of Knights was one of the first known Europeans to have performed cosmetic surgery. Dr. Pfolspeundt was one of the first doctors of the late medieval and early Renaissance period to take medical practices beyond the very crude conditions that had existed through much of the Middle Ages. During his time, a good number of German physicians, especially those in Strasbourg, helped to serve the advancement of the study of medicine. Dr. Pfolspeundt described a procedure to make a new nose for a person who lacks one. He stated that by removing skin from the back of the arm and suturing it into place a new nose could be created.
From Italy we have records that would indicate that in the year 1442, Branca, a surgeon of Catania in Sicily, carried out plastic surgery of the nose, Also known as rhinoplasty, using a skin flap from the face. This procedure was very similar to the one described in the Sushruta-Sanhita, an Ayurvedic compendium composed in the early centuries of the Christian era. His son Antonio continued his work and was the first known to use a skin flap from the arm for reconstructing the nose. The Boinias family carried on with his work. The plastic operations carried out by the Boinia brothers are described in a book published in 1568 by Fioravanti, a doctor of Bologna, Italy.
At the hands of Gasparo Tagliacozzi (1546-99), a professor of surgery and of anatomy at the Bologna University, that plastic surgery attained wide fame in Europe. His book De curtorum chirurgia per insitionem (The surgery of defects by implantation), printed in 1597, was the first scientific composition on plastic surgery. Tagliacozzi had described a method of substitution of the nose by skin from the arm and of replacement of the ears and lips, demonstrating his work throughout his manuscript by way of a large number of illustrations.
The Church dignitaries of the time regarded cosmetic surgery as an interference in the affairs of the Almighty. After his death they not only excommunicated Tagliacozzi, but also had his corpse exhumed from its church grave, and placed it in unconsecrated ground. The great Voltaire (1694-1778) wrote a satirical poem on Tagliacozzi and his operation on the nose, using flap from the buttocks.
However, due to the many dangers of surgery in those times, cosmetic surgery was rarely performed until around the 1900’s. The United States first plastic surgeon was Dr. John Peter Mettauer, born in Virginia in 1787, who in 1827 performed the first cleft palate surgery on record with instruments he himself designed.
There are two very broad fields of aesthetic surgery, Cosmetic Surgery and Reconstructive Surgery. Reconstructive surgery, including microsurgery, focuses on undoing or masking the destructive effects of trauma, previous surgery or disease. Examples of such operations are the rebuilding of amputated or damaged arms or legs; repairing cleft palates or lips, badly formed noses, and ears; and reconstructing a breast after mastectomy. Reconstructive surgery may include moving tissue from other parts of the body to the affected area.
Cosmetic surgery however, is an elective surgery, usually done more for aesthetic reasons rather than to repair an injured area. In many cases, however, there are medical reasons for having some procedures done, such as breast reduction (for back pain relief) and Mastopexy (also known as a “breast lift). Cosmetic Surgery includes, but is not limited to, Abdominoplasty, or “tummy tuck”, Blepharoplasty, or “eyelid surgery”, Augmentation Mammaplasty, or "breast enlargement”, and Rhytidectomy, or "face lift".
There are many more procedures not listed here that are commonly performed as well. The top five surgical procedures in 2004 Liposuction (325,000), nose reshaping (305,000), breast augmentation (264,000), eyelid surgery (233,000), and facelift (114,000).
As you can see, Plastic Surgery has a longstanding history across the ages. It has helped not only in the reconstructive plastic surgery field but also has allowed people to feel more comfortable with their bodies and more confident about themselves.
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For men who are balding there is a new drug on the horizon that promises better results than Propecia. This new drug is named Dutasteride and goes by the brand name Avodart.
Dutasteride was invented as a treatment for the treatment of prostate enlargement. In clinical trials the doctors noticed that a side effedt of the drug was hair re-growth in the balding patients. Propecia was also discovered in this way several years ago.
The excitment about Dutasteride is the fact that it has proven to be more effective and faster acting than any other treatment thus far in the fight aqainst hair loss. Dutasteride works by blocking the formation of DHT 5 alpha-dihydrotestosterone. What makes Dutasteride even more effective is it's ability to also inhibit both types of 5-alpha reductase (5AR).
As with other hair loss drugs women should not take Dutasteride. In fact pregnant women should not even handle the drug as it is easily absorbed through the skin. Dutasteride can cause serious side effects in newborns. Birth defects may occur when large amounts of the drug are absorbed into the body during the period of fetal development. Men who have taken Dutasteride should not donate blood for atleast 6 months after stopping treatment.
Propecia and Avodart should be taken once a day. It has been found that after two years of treatment, Propecia effectively grows hair in about 66% of patients. Also, about 83% of the subjects receiving this treatment continue to maintain their existing hair after two years.
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This latex female condom is been specialy designed to prevent the rapes. It is invented by a South African woman Sonnette Ehlers, in Cape-Town. Incidentilly, South Africa is the most effected from HIV, ratio is one in nine, that means 45 million people are suffering from these diseases.
Known also as Vaginal Bear Trap, this device was launched in August 31, 2005, and is expected to come in the market this year. It is used in the vagina like a tampoon. It is made of microscopic invisible barbs outwardly, which attacks the rapist, and clutches his penis. It gives terrible pain and disables the attacker. This gives victim the chance of escaping from the site and saving herself from the attack. It is impossible for the attacker to get it out without the medical surgery, and this way the police and authorities are alterted, and he is been caught.
This anti-rape condom, is aimed to prevent the rapes and at the same time, it punishes and terorrise the attackers. It also saves women from getting pregnant and sexually transmitted by STDs and HIVs, by the attacker. It works like a female condom. It is truly a miracle device for the women, who are working and prone to these attacks due to the nature of their life-style. It can be simply fitted in the vagina, and she can go around with her daily routine. This device has not been tested yet on a male, but the plastic body of a male and it worked fine.
Still in the stage of criticism, this female condom is facing some doubts. People say that it can multiple the risk for women. This device can further irritate the attacker and in fury and frustration, he can kill the women. Anti-rape activist say that it is barbaric and medieval. ‘It is horrible and disgusting’. They say that it can be used for the purpose of revange and to simply hurt someone who is not an attacker. According to these activists, this device is not effective in gang rapes, as it will only harm one attacker at a time.
It may be an issue of a debate for the groups, but it is certainaly a boon for the women who are living under the threat of sexual attacks all the time because of their nature of job. If some device is providing her the piece of mind and body. Why would she be hessitant to use that? It is indeed a welcome device for them.
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On April 14th of 1945, I was five years old. I came in from playing and was met by my mother who was sobbing. "Your other mother is dead," she said. I felt very sad, but for my adoptive mother. I never knew who my birth-mother was and never even considered the fact that I had another mother somewhere. I later found out that all the records associated with my adoption were supposed to have been sealed. So how could Mom have known that?
I had a little bit of information about my birth. One such fact was that I suffered from hypopladia, "a condition I inherited from my father." It turns out that means that the opening of my penis was at the bottom rather than at the end. Of all the things to inherit! I also knew that I was born at General Hospital in Minneapolis, and that Mom and Dad were listed as the parents.
That was all I knew for more than forty years. Mom died in 1985 and Dad in 1987. I was named executor of his estate. When I went through the papers I found a baptismal record for Richard Allen Hemmingsen, born on my birthday! Three names were listed as witnesses. After fighting with myself for a week I looked one name up in the phone book and called. A woman answered and I asked if Lloyd was there. The woman said he wasn't, but she would have him call me. I never heard from him and in the meantime, my ardor to find my birth family had subsided.
Evie's father died a day after my mother on Christmas Day in 1985. When her mother died in 1987 she decided that she wanted to find out about her birth mother. She didn't have any feelings of betrayal. Nor did I. The laws that sealed the records in the early 1940s had been changed, and it was now possible to contact birth relatives, if both parties agreed to the contact. She wrote a long letter explaining all the things that had happened to her in her life and her views about politics and religion. To her delight, she got a response! Her mother was now living in Michigan and wanted to meet her. They did at the Minneapolis airport. An aunt was with her. In a long conversation, Evie learned that she had two half-sisters, a half-brother, and several aunts and uncles who were all very anxious to meet her. One aunt looked exactly like her. Her siblings were thrilled, and so was the man her birth-mother had married. He was a retired minister and had known about Evie for as long as they were married. We have had a warm relationship with the whole family for nearly twenty years. Unfortunately it has been shrinking because of deaths, but Evie still meets with a favorite aunt at least once a month. Her experiences finding her birth-family became a feature article in the Minneapolis Sunday paper.
My path was a bit different. After Evie connected with her family, I again decided to try to find mine. Lloyd was still unavailable, but there were two other names on the baptismal certificate. I found one of the names in the Minnneapolis phone book. When I called him, he said, "You must be one of Hilma's twins."
I told him that I was born in 1940. No, my uncle said. "The twins were born in 1944."
You can imagine how excited I was to hear that! He said that she had died of internal bleeding one day after giving birth to twin boys. Ironically, my half-sibs were born on the same day as my adoptive sister, but a year later. I found out where Hilma was living when the twins were born and immediately placed a personals ad in the local newspaper asking whether anyone had information about the whereabouts of twin boys born in April of 1944.
No one responded.
In the meantime my new uncle arranged for me to meet with the rest of the family. It was huge; Hilma had had 10 siblings. An aunt threw a potluck lunch and the thirty some relatives all showed up. One was the other signer of the baptismal certificate. I asked her about my twin brothers. "They aren't brothers," she said. "They were a boy and a girl. Everyone called them Jack and Jill."
From that point, everything came together. We were able to locate the adoption agency and they located the adoptive mother. She said that both children were alive and well. Later that night I got a call from my brother, and a few days later, my sister. Bro looks like me, but a bit heavier. We met my sister in Montana and visited Yellowstone Park together. We were both delighted. I have kept in contact with my Minnesota family. I have yet to visit my brother but I get regular letters from my sister.
One of my aunts gave me a photo album of my mother. One, showing her on a bicycle with a friend, looked so much like me that we showed it to one of Evie's buddies. "That's John in a dress," Evie said, smiling. "Oh," said our friend. "Who's that with him?"
My last words are advice for others who may be in our situation. Things don't always work out as well as they did for Evie and me, but if they do, it's like stepping into a different world, the alternative universe you always wondered about.
