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Here are over 100 ideas to help you keep monogamy hot!
1. Find out what music your lover likes, and play it.
2. Sing to each other, especially if you can't sing. Listen to a song that turns you on and write the words out so you will remember them. Then without any music sing that song as a surprise gift to your lover. Watch the tears come to their eyes.
3. Find out what scents your lover likes, e.g., perfumes and especially essential oils. Get an essential oil diffuser.
4. Wear the clothes your lover likes. Try something wild in latex.
5. Serve the food your lover likes.
6. Select locations for lovemaking that your partner likes.
7. Prepare yourself for stimulating conversation. Do some homework if necessary to have something interesting to talk about.
8. Give lots of compliments on a regular basis.
9. Compliment you lover in front of others.
10. Tell each other all the things you like and appreciate about each other. Do this every day.
11. Show your body to your lover. Let them look as long as they like.
12. Take your clothes off while your lover watches.
13. Tease your partner with partial nudity at unexpected times, like when your mother or children are in the other room. Be artful and naughty about it so only your lover sees you.
14. Explore each other's bodies with your eyes, hands and tongues.
15. Hold a mirror for your partner to look at their own genitals.
16. Women, touch your lover's genitals with sighs of desire from time to time, even when out in public (discretely).
17. Men, nibble on your partner's neck with sighs of desire from time to time, even when out in public.
18. Give each other a sensual massage. Try short 5 minute full body massages on a daily basis, as well as longer versions (one hour or longer) when time permits. Use an exotic massage oil. You can mix some yourself with an excellent essential oil in a base of first cold press grapeseed (canola) oil.
19. Create a temple-of-love space in anticipation of your lovemaking. Make your space beautiful. Keep it simple.
20. Create your own rituals & ceremonies. Keep it simple.
21. Tell each other what turns you on. If they don't know they can't give it to you.
22. Read and/or write erotic poetry and stories.
23. Watch erotic, romantic movies and videos.
24. Take a bath or shower together. Even small tubs are great fun. Make a mess.
25. Wash each other's bodies. Be kind and gentle and provocative, or raucous and wild, whatever you're both into.
26. Wash each other's feet. Use a small dishpan and some wonderful natural soap. Rub on an aromatic foot lotion.
27. Suck on your partner's squeaky-clean toes.
28. Feed each other food and drink. Use your fingers. Make a mess.
29. Read stories out loud to each other.
30. Wear costumes and masks as part of your foreplay. Oooh, mystery!
31. Tie each other up. Men especially love to be tied up.
32. Paint each other's bodies. Use washable/edible body paint or chocolate sauce you make yourself or buy.
33. Wash each other's hair.
34. Give each other pedicures.
35. Prepare sensual meals together. Fondle and tease each other as you work/play.
36. Watch the sun come up or go down, or the moon go across the water.
37. Lie out under the stars. Sleep out under the stars.
38. Make flower arrangements together, fresh or dried.
39. Send each other erotic post cards without any special occasion.
40. Write love letters to each other.
41. Say the words "I love you. I need you. I want you."
42. Whisper words of adoration in your lover's ears before, during and after love making.
43. Talk "dirty" in your lover's ears in the heat of passion during your lovemaking.
44. Hold hands in public.
45. Go on picnics.
46. Call each other by "sucky" pet names.
47. Make foreplay go on and on and on and on and....
48. Men, help your woman come to orgasm before intercourse - at least some times!
49. Men, be sure she is wet, before you put your golden rod into her fig pocket!
50. Romance each other for hours, with intercourse on and off the whole time. Men, learn to delay ejaculation!
51. Cuddle after intercourse. Look into each other's eyes. Say words of love and adoration. Thank the God and Goddess for their favors.
52. Cry in front of each other.
53. Share what you are feeling. Risk being vulnerable.
54. Try different lovemaking positions. Experiment.
55. Try different lovemaking locations. Experiment.
56. Use love toys. Experiment.
57. Laugh during intercourse. Laugh before intercourse. Laugh after intercourse.
58. Offer unexpected gifts. Keep it simple, but thoughtful. Pick the right thing, not the biggest or most expensive thing.
59. Remember special occasions. Special occasions should be special!
60. Say please and thank you for sexual favors and for many small things each day. “Whether the pretty woman grants or withholds her favors, she always likes to be asked for them.” Ovid
61. Surprise your lover with the unexpected. Experiment.
62. Try something new. Experiment.
63. Try something dangerous. Experiment.
64. Try something outrageous. Experiment.
65. Try something kinky. Experiment.
66. Try something you are afraid of. Experiment.
67. Try something forbidden. Experiment.
68. Share your fantasies. Act them out with each other. Don't ever share fantasies about someone else with your lover!
69. Masturbate each other.
70. Masturbate in front of each other.
71. Dress up for a romantic dinner.
72. Eat dinner by candlelight.
73. Make love by candlelight.
74. Put on little skits (acts) for each other. Experiment.
75. Be foolish and playful. Experiment.
76. Drop something that is really important for you to do, and make love instead.
77. Call when you are away and say "I miss you terribly. I can't wait to get home to hold you."
78. Talk "dirty" over the phone to each other.
79. Shop for sex toys and lingerie together.
80. Ladies, wear garter belt and stockings instead of pantyhose.
81. Put blindfolds on each other during foreplay and intercourse, sometimes.
82. Role play: innocent high school student, slut, nurse, stripper, master, slave, bad boy or girl, etc.
83. Look into each other's eyes, if possible until tears follow the opening of your heart in love.
84. Match the rhythm of your breathing during lovemaking.
85. Take rapid breaths to heat up your excitement.
86. Take long, deep, slow breaths to maintain a high level of excitement without going over into orgasm. Prolonging the orgasmic excitement leads to ecstasy.
87. Just hold each other.
88. Talk where one only listens. The one who listens does not try to take any responsibility, does not try to intervene or "fix" anything. Just listen. This is harder to do than it sounds.
89. Give each other a 10-second kiss when coming and going.
90. Make out like high school kids, without intercourse.
91. Practice Tantra Sacred Sex muscle control, breathing and visualization together. If you don't know how, take a workshop together.
92. Give each other flowers regularly. Men love to receive flowers too!
93. Have fresh flowers around as often as possible.
94. Have lots of green healthy plants in the house.
95. Notice all the little things you do for each other, that you regularly take for granted, and let each other know how important they are to you. Show your appreciation.
96. Spend time remembering wondrous past experiences together when you were happy and joyous.
97. Take turns leading when dancing slow.
98. In conversation always use loving names when referring to your genitals, e.g., jade stalk, wand of light, mystery cave, succulent flower, etc.
99. Make plans for the future.
100. Talk about spending the rest of your life together.
101. Write out your vision for the kind of relationship you want to create together.
102. Display your relationship vision/dream where you will see it often.
103. Serve each other breakfast in bed.
104. Sleep together NAKED! Curl around each other like spoons. Roll over together to change positions in the night.
105. In the morning when you wake up lying naked together, the man goes between the woman’s legs. If he is not aroused, he will use the soft entry by wetting his penis with saliva (or any suitable lubricant such as water based or silicone lubricants, or any cooking oil) and inserting it into her vagina. Lie still with your eyes open and match your breathing for 2-5 minutes.
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Reports have shown that the male enhancement drugs are rapidly gaining popularity among men with erectile dysfunction. These drugs are very helpful to men suffering from diminished sex drive, early ejaculation, weak or short-term erections, lack of pleasurable sensation, and lack of overall confidence about their sexual selves. In other words, male enhancement drugs are used to curb male impotency problems and boost sexual performance in men.
There are several different types of drugs that are available in the market. Each of them has a diverse way of improving your sex life. Among many male enhancement prescriptions, Viagra, Zenegra, Cialis, and Levitra have become silent household names. Recent studies show Zenegra and Viagra are very popular among men of all ages, particularly college students. Men consuming these drugs have reported an improved sex drive and increased stamina.
All male enhancement drugs have certain side effects, but these are mild ones and mostly depend on the dosage consumed. Most common side effects are headache, flushing, upset stomach, nasal stuffiness, diarrhea, and dizziness. In extremely rare instances, consumption of a few variety cause penis erection lasting for many hours. It is wise that men who seek the aid of male enhancement drugs consult a physician.
Male impotency drugs are steadily dropping in cost, because of the entry of more generic forms of male enhancement drugs, which offer the same advantages of their brand-name counterparts. The generic drugs are a safe and affordable way for men to curb erection problems. Many people think the term ‘generic’ refers to a poorer quality product. But in the world of pharmaceuticals, the word is used to refer to the drugs which contain the same active ingredients of the original one. Besides, the generic forms are identical in dosage, potency, and method of administration.
These days, many men consume enhancement drugs because they do not feel confidence in their sexual performance. Definitely, a virility man never depends on the use of male sexual enhancement drugs and other sexual aids. The one thing that has improved as a result of male enhancing drugs is the confidence level.
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With the stress of day to day life, many men of today are facing different sexual problems, of which the most common is erectile dysfunction. By erectile dysfunction, it means that the man finds it rather difficult to sometimes achieve penile erection, and sometimes to maintain an erection till ejaculation. Stress is the main culprit to this; and since stress is not avoidable today, many men turn to drugs and medications to help them solve this problem. So if you are in this group of men, you need not wait longer for the happiness pill of your needs, for it has arrived.
Those who were longing for a happiness pill for sometime now need not worry as it has scarcely been a decade since the first oral drug; Viagra has been introduced in the market for men suffering from erectile dysfunctions. The chemical used in this wonder drug is sildenafil citrate, and is actually not the first drug that has been created to address erectile dysfunction.
In fact, it is the first drug that is taken orally for a cure from erectile dysfunction. Prior to its introduction, drugs were either injected into the penis, or inserted into the urethra by placing it at the tip of the penis. With the introduction of Viagra, many other companies also started launching drugs to help cure erectile dysfunction.
Some of the new drugs were vardenafil hydrochloride, named as Levitra and tadalafil called Cialis. They were introduced one after the other, and the thing they both have in common is that they have to be taken about an hour before any sexual activity has been planned. With this tablet, the chemical causes chemical reactions which give rise to increased blood flow to the penis.
However, these drugs should not be taken more than once a day. And if the person is under other medications, these drugs are not at all advised. This is because these drugs, on combining with the medications that are taken everyday may cause blood pressure problems and heart attacks.
There are other oral drugs available to cure erectile dysfunction; however, it is now being contested if the results of erection are actually due to the drugs or if it is due to the placebo effect. However, there are some medications like testosterone, when taken regularly, may have some adverse affects on the liver. This is the reason it is not actually advised to take any drugs for erectile dysfunction, unless the medication is prescribed b a doctor.
It has been found that the drugs or medication that is injected into the penis or inserted into the urethra brings about a stronger and longer erection than the oral drug. However, there have been some side effects with these types of drugs like aching, priapism (which means persistent erection), scarring, bleeding, etc. So with the rapid pace that research is advancing today, it is actually better to wait it out for a better drug to help solve erectile dysfunction.
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Kegel exercises are a modern take on an ancient idea. For those of you who are not aware, exercising the pubococcygeus muscle was first developed by the Taoist movement in China quite some time ago. Their exercises were meant to strengthen various muscles in order to promote health, longevity, spiritual development and also better sex. Doctor Arnold Kegel has simply made this kind of exercises popular in another age and brought them to the attention of more people than ever before.
The name ‘Kegel’ is another way of referring to exercises whose aim is to restore and increase the tone of the pubococcygeus muscle by regular clenching and unclenching. A strong PC muscle helps men maintain control of erections and ejaculations, increases the flow of blood to the penis, keeps the prostate in check in old age and prevents incontinence. Women can also use Kegels to bring their vagina back into shape after the stretching caused by childbirth. As you can see, Kegels are great for both men and women and are best taken up early on in order to prepare the pelvic floor for old age.
The role of the pubococcygeus muscle in the sexual health of men and women has been thoroughly documented over the years. The San Francisco Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality published a study on Kegel Exercises in 1983 which focused on the sexual benefits women can get from exercising their PC muscles, while Jack Morin authored a study called Anal Pleasure and Health in 1981. The bottom line of these studies was the simple fact that well toned pelvic muscles, including the PC muscle, improve sexual control and play a key part in achieving orgasm.
The PC muscle can be identified by stopping urination mid-flow. Anybody who has ever tried to keep from urinating knows instinctively what muscles to tense in order to close the urethra and prevent the emptying of your bladder. Men can usually identify the PC muscle by tensing the muscles in their pelvic floor until they find the one that makes their penis jump. This is best done with an erect penis, because the movement of the penis is easier to observe. Basically, the muscle is located between the scrotum and the anus.
As stated above, the main benefit men get out of exercising their pubococcygeus muscle is the vastly increased control over ejaculation and the improved erection. PC flexes, just like any other exercises, draw more blood to the area because the muscles need oxygen to repair their cells after exercises. The increase in blood supply helps the penis reach full erection faster and also to last in this phase longer than usual. Moreover, since a well toned PC muscle can stop the flow of urine, it can also stop the flow of semen. Therefore, exercises help men gain control over the ejaculation and ejaculate whenever they want, which is a boon to any man and especially to those who suffer from premature ejaculation.
Naturally, the PenisHealth program features PC flexes because these exercises are crucial to the overall health of the penis. A strong pubococcygeus muscle helps promote blood flow to the pubic area, thus increasing the chances that penis enlargement occurs. Not to mention that performing ejaculation control exercises along with the penis enlargement routines is the best way of achieving two goals at once: longer and thicker penis and erections and ejaculations on demand. What more could you ask for?
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Mid life Crisis is not a disease or an event that one can avoid. It afflicts everyone who lives through their middle years. There is no warning as to when it will hit you, but when it does, it likely will come at the worst possible time, but then again, when is a good time for a meltdown?
Most likely your time will differ from that of your friends and others close to you like your Husband or Wife, since our Middle years can begin anytime from our mid thirties through one’s fifties and everyone is different.
Don’t even think you can avoid mid life Crisis, because you can’t! No amount of money or influence can get you out of this one. How you endure the transformation and to what degree you suffer or not, will vary as widely as those who experience it. You know the cliché, forewarned is forearmed, so knowing what will happen and how to survive the experience in tact, can go a long way. Right!
I may have been exaggerating slightly about how ominous Middle aged Crisis can be, because I wanted to grab your attention. However, we have all heard the jokes about middle aged crisis and know that within all jokes, there does contain a grain of truth. The truth here is that some of you will experience a major shift in your lives, while for others the change may be more gentle. Do not doubt that change is on its way. It is inevitable! You may not have say on if or when it will happen, but you do have a say in how you will deal with it. Each and every one of us is equipped with a silver bullet in our personal arsenal to deploy as we see fit. This is something that you may already be using or something that you have yet to take out. It matters not because you never run out of it. It is the most effective weapon we have and that is Attitude!
As a Life Coach, we use our attitude and perspective to help our clients deal with many issues in their lives until their own attitude can take over. In fact, we often say that if we only have one tool to use, Perspective would be it. How you view things, and the attitude you take toward life’s ups and downs, (your perspective), has a dramatic effect on how you cope. Are you a glass is half full or half empty person? Do you laugh in the face of danger or do you run and hide in terror? Are you someone who is afraid of change or do you embrace it like me? Do you see problems or opportunities for improvement? Positive and negative personalities are obviously opposites of each other, with the extremes differing in folks all up and down the spectrum of the pole. I can certainly find folks who exemplify the ends of the pole, those with very strong outlooks, but for those who are fence sitters, you now have an opportunity to change your attitude. Only you know how you experience the world around you, but I know that a positive or negative attitude will affect how you experience what I have coined, The Emergence of our True Self. How would you like to go through life? Seeing opportunities or finding problems everywhere? The choice is yours.
Look at this time as an amazing opportunity for you to take a peek behind the veil, the cloak of mystery that is you. Avidly seek out the answers to questions that have plagued mankind since the beginning of time. I know that as a child I lay in bed and many times looked up at the sky and wondered, “Why am I here”? “What is my purpose?” “How can I be more than I am?” These are the questions that will now be answered for you. This is your time to finally solve the mystery. View this time as a positive experience. This is your time and it has been given to you so that you can emerge as your True Self. Feel all of it; embrace the experience, even the tough stuff. Remember the butterfly and its struggle to emerge from it’s cocoon. You may struggle through this time but you will emerge a more content person for it. I am positive about this.
Middle Aged Crisis, struck this week and it happened to a man we will call Dan. Let’s see how it begins so we know what to look for. Dan is a slightly paunchy, balding middle-aged man in his late 40’s, whose one attempt of rebellious attitude towards his wife, was to go against her thrifty nature and adorn the front end of his mini van with a ‘bra”!
One day, Dan left his ‘bra’ behind and came home wearing a shiny new candy apple red corvette instead. It looks like the van was traded in for this gorgeous sexy rolling piece of penis envy. After the ‘big wow’ fell out of your dropped jaw, was your next thought the same as mine “now there’s a guy whose wife is going to kill him”? Where are the kids going to sit? Is Dan a classic case of a man having a mid life crisis?!”
Will his ‘search” for himself end here or will Dan take it a step further? It seems that several of the guys in Dan’s office have traded their wives of 3o years for 30 yr.old wives. We don’t know if Dan knows any 30 yr; old women so we will have to wait and see about that. Dan seems to be the poster boy for Middle Aged Men in crisis but what about woman? Are they immune to mid life angst and do men and woman manifest their symptoms in the same way? Joan Rivers and her G-force facelift might be the perfect example of a woman who is still searching for more in her life but can’t get past her mirror. We often joke about woman and their hot flashes, but do they wake up all sweaty and then head out in the morning to buy sexy cars or is there another measure of being unsatisfied they go for? I have a few lady friends who were the very last women in the world I EVER expected to radically deviate from their MOM role. It seemed at 40 something, they woke up one day and traded their beautifully decorated home, mommy and wifely duties for a basement apartment and freedom. Did it mean they loved their children less? Nope, it just meant that they were compelled to find out who they were after being a mom and wife. Yes, a few became what is commonly referred to today as Cougars, woman who prey on younger men, but for the most part, they seemed to be genuinely seeking themselves. Either this was something that was lost, or something they never had in the first place.
So is Mid life Crisis a valid condition or an excuse to be selfish and make up for poor choices along the way? Is it a human condition that we will all experience in varying degrees as we pass through their middle ages, or is it reserved for those who share certain personality traits? Is it possible that it is related to female menopause or male Andropause? Do hormones have anything to do with the ‘stress and distress of those in the eye of this storm? Are these people as out of control as they sometimes seem to be?
I am not a doctor and do not know the answer to these questions but I do know as a Life Coach and a woman in her middle years, that there seems to be a great many people in this age category who are seeking and searching for something that will fill a part of them that is missing. They have a great desire for something more in their life, but what that MORE is they don’t know. It is a time of personal reflection and for some breaking out of a mold that has held them for many years. Perhaps you know someone who has quit their executive position or walked out on their 30 year marriage. It doesn’t always make sense, this behaviour, but there is common theme. CHANGE!
It seems that many are seeking their destiny, and the meaning of life. They want to know what their purpose is and where they fit into the Grand Scheme. They want to know what this thing called LIFE is all about, and they are seeking their soul, their soul mates and questioning long held beliefs. Spirituality is a common theme, and many search for their connection to something larger than the known world and for answers they go to the Unknown world
A metamorphosis is taking place and I see it as our third great struggle of life. The first is being born, the second is adolescence and now this time I will coin, The Emergence of Self. The emergence because it is our true self we are seeking. Not the daughter, son, mother, father, doctor, cook or any other label we have put on ourselves, but OUR true SELF , our true soul, the nature of who we really are. It seems this is a time where anything can happen and does.
Sometimes those who are most surprised by what happens next are the seekers themselves.
As adolescents we go through the change together, it is expected, so resources are in place to help us deal with it. Our families and teachers are there for us, supporting the change. Now in our mid 40’s- 50’s, it seems we face this change alone. No longer are our buddies, families or teachers there to support us. In fact, it may be that those closest to you don’t understand why you are contemplating the things you are. They may argue that you are making a big mistake and you don’t know what you are doing. Even if this is true, and in many cases it is, there doesn’t seem to be anything to do about it except ride it out.
Have you ever wondered at the timing of all this? Why is it so important to KNOW right now? Why upset the apple cart at this stage of your life?
Perhaps it is so that our time here is not wasted in the larger sense. Many of us as children had a dream or a goal. I think that this first memory may be the truth of who we really are and why we are here.
How many of us have stayed true to who we were? I know that there have been many times in my life that duty as a daughter, a mother, and even a wife have taken precedence over who I wanted to be. So maybe this frustration, this time of wanting is really the only way to help us break the chains of ‘good behaviour’ and allows us the time to search for our lost selves or if you believe in the metaphysical then perhaps we are waking up to what brought us here in the first place, our contract or mission. Have you felt that there is a master plan but you haven’t been let in on the details?
The there is a great secret, albeit unknown to you, and almost like a cosmic joke, it is at your expense. Why does this transformation take place? Is there a way of escaping it? I think not. It seems to me a natural progression to a higher state of being if we are lucky. It seems we all go through the process, albeit at slightly different ages and degrees of angst. I believe that this is one “Crisis” that is supposed to happen and rather than describe it as a crisis we could rename it as a transformation. We have all have known a “Dan”, a 50 something guy who finally buys his corvette, or his Harley, leaves his wife or leaves his job- any or all of these are fairly common and classic crisis behaviour. As I said earlier, Women are not immune either. We can all envision the Cougar, a woman in her mid to late 40’s who used to be Suzy Homemaker and is now on the prowl for a 2o something guy to make up for her boring life.
On the outside, this behaviour seems selfish and I suppose in some ways it is. But remember, this Emergence is about self and change and change never comes easily. There is always a struggle and in this instance, doing what is opposite in nature of what one has always been done may be one of the catalysts to the next step. These folks are in the midst of a chemical and physical transformation. Alchemy is taking place. When all is said and done, they will be different.
They are reaching out for their world to make sense and hopefully when all is said and done, they will have found peace. Peace within themselves and peace with their outside world. We know that these folks want more, but and the sexy car, younger mate is not the whole answer because change on the outside does not equate with change on the inside. I feel that this transformation may actually be harder on us than adolescence. When we are young, we have out parents to support us. We walk en mass with our friends to school and we are all going through stuff together. But mid life, we do that one by ourselves and many times, we wreak havoc on the lives of those we love the most. This change, this metamorphosis, cannot likely be stopped, anymore that you can stop breathing, but for some, it comes with great cost. Our bodies change- we don’t child bear anymore. We have wrinkles and grey hairs sprouting from places they aren’t supposed too. Our skin on our hands begin to thin and become translucent, showing the blue of our veins. We fear we are losing our sexuality, our vitality and our ability to be ‘seen’ as one of the players. We fear this invisibility and we fight to be more than we are, because we want to stay in the game. We also know that we are more than we are showing. We wake to an unknown dream or assignment and strive to fulfill our life’s mission, but the guide book is missing. The map is gone and our hands flail in the wind seeking something solid to grip onto. It’s a turbulent time until one day, you wake up and your life begins to make sense again. You start to realize what is important. Who you are and what you are passionate about. You know what you love and whom you love and you have a sense of the greater picture. You know why you are here. You understand your ties to the past and what you bring to the future. The Emergence of Self will happen whether you plan for it or not. At some point in your life mid life, an amazing discovery of self will take place, and I hope that you complete your transformation all the way until you feel at peace within your heart and the world around you. For those of you who are wondering what signs to look for or if you are currently experiencing your transformation, below you can find a list of common features:
Typical features of mid-life include:
Experiencing healthy dissatisfaction……..yearning for more…..is this it??
What worked before no longer rocks your world.
The changing body becomes your guide.
You get used to uncertainty
You want to give back
You become much more than you thought you were.
Your values change significantly
You are getting a hefty whiff of you own mortality.
The emergence of wisdom
Mid-life challenges that Coaching can assist with:
• Finding your Passion
• Removing FEAR from the Change Process
• Learning how to acknowledge and accept others
• Learning to Communicate at heart level
• Reconnect with your SELF
• Leaving Guilt Behind
• Trusting your instincts
• Creating a vision
